Mary Anne = FAIL

Objective: Climb to the top of rope ladder without touching ground. Press red button at the end of ladder to win prize.



It's not as easy as it looks.

At least you get a nice view of my unflattering butt.

The Dark Knight

Leo, Melody, Jane, Don, and I are going to see The Dark Knight tonight in Cupertino. I'm really excited. I haven't been excited about a movie in a long time. And I heard Heath Ledger's performance was amazing.

If you haven't already watched the trailer, here it is.



Then watch this one. I nearly fell off my chair laughing.



The best scene:

Criminal 1: "What are you proposing?"

Joker: It's simple. Kill The Batman.
As you can see from my charts, we use to be at awesome. Now we dropped. I don't know what happened. But I want us to reach back up to awesome.

Criminal 2: Get back up to awesome... why didn't I think of that? We should kill Batman. Wow, what an idiot I am. Geez. He's the Joker right? He's the smart one.

Criminal 3: What did you major in?

----

I'm easily amused. Can't you tell?

Blew a fuse

Last Monday, Leo and I went to lunch and had a wonderful vegetarian meal at a Thai restaurant close by the data center where he was working. He's been really supportive about this whole vegetarian thing that I have to repeatedly tell him that he doesn't have to eat vegetarian just for me. He's always like, "It's okay, I want to do this." When really he probably hates it. And I hate it when he says things like that. Makes me want to slap him in the face with a t-bone steak. I sometimes think he does it just to impress me. Like he wants me to return the favor with a humongous blow job.

Anyhow, after our meal, we make our way to the data center. He gives me the grand tour and then enlightens me about the stuff he does when he's not playing online games. The stuff that normal people like myself call a job. I'm just bitter because I don't work from home like he does. On our drive back to my office, I was thankful that he didn't quiz me about what I learned from my experience at a Google/YouTube data center after his whole spiel. Cus dude, if he did, my only response would be FLUX CAPACITOR!

While my 40 year old co-worker is setting up her MySpace account

"Who is this Tom guy on my MySpace?"

Let Nick Pitera make your day

Part of Your World


A Whole New World


I subscribe to his channel on YouTube. He'll come out with something new every now and then, like his rendition of Leona Lewis' Bleeding Love.

Bleeding Love


And my favorite cover by Nick, Celine Dion's Oh Holy Night.

Hunter

For all you fans.

This song just made my day.

"No better way to say I love you"

I am proud to say that I come up as top 3 when you search on Google: "no better way to say I love you."

Beat your kids

If you were raised by immigrant parents, you would know what it feels like to have been beaten as a child. I could totally relate to this YouTube video and the only reason why I LOL hard is because what he says is so true.

Masters of the Mexican Munchies

Pretty bold statement considering THIS IS NOT SAN DIEGO. I had their Mexican food with a co-worker last week and did not even compare. Eating Mexican food in another city other than San Diego (or MEXICO for that matter) is blasphemous.

19

19

How to break an expensive toy in two hours

...and make a 6 year old cry.

This is how we spent our weekend.



Priceless.

How To Cook Chicken Adobo (A Popular Filipino Dish)

Free Video Hosting

And yes, Filipino's sing while they cook.

College Football

Mary Anne: Now that we are up here in the Bay, which college football team do you want to root for?

Leo: How bout Notre Dame?

Mary Anne: Uh, they're not in California.

Leo: Yes they are. Go online.

Shows how much he really pays attention to college football or the movie "Rudy."

The verdict? Our local Stanford University. Go Cardinals!

Sisters? Who? Us? Nah.

*Ding-dong*

Kailee (my daughter) and I answer the door.

Mormon Boy 1: Hi, we're from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we were wondering if we could speak with your parents about our church...

Trying to contain my inner laughter.

Me: I'm sorry...our parents aren't home right now.

Kailee looks up at me perplexed as hell.

I look at her with a don't-say-ANYTHING-or-imma-kill-you look.

Mormon Boy 2: Well that's okay. You can just give them this card and if they're interested, there's a phone number on the back where they can call. It would be a pleasure for us to come back and visit and just spread the word of our Lord, Jesus Christ...

*Grabs card*

Me: Absolutely. Thanks. Have a nice day, guys.

Mormon Boy 1: Yeah, you guys take care too. Bye.

*Closes door*

Me: They think we are sisters, Kailee. Pfft. What morons.

Why would anyone ever think that?



So weird. Not even.

Fetch!

My dog, Cookie, doesn't get as much play on my blog. So I'm dedicating this post to him. I guess I'm just affraid to wake up one morning to find a ransom note next to his bed. I mean, how can you even put a price to his sweet little face?!? The cuteness- it will seriously make you want to swan dive into a pool of kittens and then put a gun to your head to blow your fucking brains into smitherines.

Here's a clip of Cookie and I playing fetch.


Here's another cute shih tzu. Same breed as Cookie. So cute!


Oh! And please watch this cute shih tzu too. Cuteness overload! AHHH!

How I know I married the right one

*Phone conversation with Leo in New York. Mind you - he's been gone for three weeks.*

Leo: Maybe when I come back home, we can switch sides of the bed. You can sleep on my side and I can sleep on your side. You know...to spice it up a bit.

Me: Oh yes. I'm getting so turned on thinking about your side of the bed.

[Mom, I really hit the jackpot with this one.]

Kaileelicious

Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tastay-tastay.

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

To better argue my point about a previous post, here's a video of what I would look and sound like if this were a video blog. LOL.

The Fabulous Word

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colourful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck".

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

1. Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."
2. Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"
3. Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."
4. Aggression "FUCK YOU!"
5. Disgust "Fuck me."
6. Confusion "What the fuck.......?"
7. Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"
8. Despair "Fucked again..."
9. Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."
10. Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"
11. Lost "Where the fuck are we."
12. Disbelief "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
13. Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"
14. Denial "I didn't fucking do it."
15. Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."
16. Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
17. Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
18. Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"
19. Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."
20. Directions "Fuck off."
21. Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal- "Motherfucker."
It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:
"What the fuck was that?" Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" General Custer
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" Captain of the Titanic


(From Funnyfuck.com)

My favorite SPAM e-mail of the day

Subject: "MARY ANNE, TAKE THIS TO PRODUCE MORE SPERM MASS NOW!"

Should I also inquire about what they can do for my husband's vagina?

A snippet of this mornings conversation in bed

Mary Anne: "Have you ever fucked a donut?"

Leo: "That would be so weird."

Which translates to me that he hasn't, but would.

Shit Happens

I love this shirt from bustedtees.com.

How to stay positive when being called "small"

Exiting the building during my lunch break, I push my way out through a heavy glass door.

Man from behind says, "They weigh five times more than you do."

I turn my head to see where the voice was coming from.

Me: "Excuse me?"

Man: "The glass door. You're a tiny little thing, you look like you were almost struggling there for a moment."

Me: "Struggling? Are you kidding me? The door is the one struggling to keep me back." [flexes imaginary bicep and walks away]

Man: [laughs]

Naked man glued to exercise bike during theft

LOL.

(via MSN.com)